Last week I started having c. diff symptoms. I went to the doctors on Wednesday and she sent me to an Infectious Disease doctor on Friday for c. diff round three. Wednesday I felt like I got hit by a truck. I used all the swear words in my vocabulary while venting with my mom (crumb, pickle juice) and I think I said “annoying” about a dozen times. And I cried. I felt better and had a great rest of the day.
The appointment on Friday was good in the sense that we came up with a game plan for getting the same antibiotics ready and a test kit to get a confirmation on the superbug’s return. However, all of the typical c. diff symptoms were gone by Friday afternoon and by Saturday I had a serious pain in my gut that still hasn’t gone away. I’ve realized that unexplained pain and fear are tied close together. This journey of FOUR months has been very mentally taxing, and by Sunday I was a bit of a wreck. Another half day of panic followed by some serious prayers and inspired lessons at church, calling the ID doctor, and a priesthood blessing in the evening and I’ve moved pass the fear. I also have a colonoscopy scheduled for Monday. I can’t eat for 36 hours beforehand and need to take a bunch of laxatives which is going to be an adventure with nursing Nathan. I’m anticipating serious hunger. Hopefully we get some answers about my gut.
I feel great peace and joy in the day to day. “In the world ye shall have tribulation. But be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”
The last few days have been remarkable. Normal. Filled with happy moments (and some not happy moments, but mostly happy). And at 5:30 I’m really ready for everyone to be in bed. But I’m working on increasing my endurance and energy.
Monday I went running with a friend with our double strollers and two kids a-piece. It felt fabulous (if I ignored the pain in my gut) and I had just the right amount of energy the rest of the day. I slept great and got up 1.5 hours earlier this morning. So did Emily. She joined me for some yoga.
Emily told me this morning that she was going to get married. I asked her who she was going to marry and she said without hesitation, “Daddy”. She put on her necklace and told me, “See you later mom. I’m going to ride the bus and get married.” I asked if I could come see her getting married and she invited Nathan and I to join her on the bus (the coffee table at the foot of my bed). Unfortunetly Daddy was lost and no amount of bus riding or driving (the car was a diaper box pulled up to the exersaucer Nathan was in) could locate him. Finally at 2:30 I let Emily call Andrew. As soon as she heard his voice she launched into her getting married talk. When Andrew said he wouldn’t be home until dinner she said, “No! Emily getting married right now!” and was distraught that it didn’t happen that way. She has continued talking about getting married until the moment we tucked her in tonight – very tired with no nap today and her early wake up time.
I’ve been trying to reclaim our space the last few weeks. With me being not at the top of my game, adding another member to the family with his own items, and a toddler who loves collecting little things and placing them all over the house, I feel like it is especially cluttered lately. I think ideally I would send everyone away for a couple of days and collect every tiny object that could possibly be adopted by Emily and put everything out of reach except for one or two items. Since that isn’t reality, I keep trying to let Nathan hang out on the floor for a few minutes and give Emily different things to make new messes with and treasure in new places around the house while I try to get a handle on everything else. I need to make her part of the problem solving on this one. Just haven’t jumped that hurdle yet.
We’ve been reading extra books after “nap” time in Emily’s room. Emily LOVES having Nathan lay next to her while I read them book after book with the sun shining on us. I love it too. A few days ago I took some pictures of the two of them because it had been awhile.
Today Emily requested pictures to be taken again when we pulled out the books. I was struck with how similar they look; two best friends hanging out together. My heart just about exploded. I’m one grateful mom.
I can’t help but giggle about this one.
Nathan is teething. Drool, runny nose, gnawing on everything that gets close to his mouth, soaking through all clothing and bibs, and crying 2.5 hours before falling asleep for the night. A few days ago he chomped down hard on my hand and sure enough, a little tooth really is poking out. Just a tiny hard spot, but this kid is getting a tooth. I made three loaves of sourdough bread today and dinner (which involved cutting vegetables, opening cans, stirring pots, mixing in spices, and putting things in and out of the oven) with Nathan in the moby wrap while I held a teething ring into his mouth to chew. Not gonna lie – I’m feeling pretty triumphant about doing all of that one handed with a toddler helping. And exhausted.
I’m getting the hang of caring for my pet sourdough starter and kefir. I always end the night feeding them and making a kefir ‘dessert’. Usually it is kefir blended with a frozen banana and raspberries. Since I can’t have anything with seeds in it a week before the colonoscopy, I tried kefir with a frozen banana and cocoa powder to try and get a chocolate taste tonight (the only hard thing for me about not having sugar is not having chocolate – and I usually do have some treat every 1-2 weeks when the opportunity arises). It is very tangy, but if I close my eyes and squint I think I notice the chocolate. Add a book and I think I’ve got the perfect night ahead of me while Andrew works on his research.