I’ve rewritten this post a half dozen times, and I think I’ve finally gotten to the root of the problem. My heart is in too many pieces, left in too many places. There are some wonderful things about having many homes among so many people spread far and wide. But sometimes it just leaves a tough ache.
Today is a happy day. A really happy day. Emily has a cousin! It is her first one, so it is a big deal. I am absolutely thrilled for the newest little girl’s parents, who are going to do a marvelous job and love her to pieces. I’m thrilled for their grandma who gets to cuddle the newest grandchild and watch her child grow into this new role. I’m thrilled for the aunts and uncle who get to watch their niece learn to smile, hold her head up, and discover the world around her. I’m thrilled Andrew is an uncle, and I am an aunt, and Emily has a cousin. This is a much anticipated little girl, and it is a very happy day. And I’m sad the times we will be together appear to be so few and far between.
The real challenge is that if we were closer, my heart would ache for the people and family we leave behind here. I’m afraid it is a no-win situation, with the small caveat that we live in the 21st century with basically unlimited access to video calls, emails, cell phones, and instant messaging. Unfortunately the ache is still there, but I am grateful that there is communication and lots of it.
I showed Emily the pictures of her cousin today and she said, “babybabybabybabybaby” – which she has been saying for days and it doesn’t seem to have any meaning, but the timing sure was cute. While we were hearing the updates this evening from her grandma Jackson, she found a perfect spot to hear the news and she sat there for a really long time.